Insecurity & inadequacy (redux)
Oct. 5th, 2006 08:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
desperance"What, does this thing appear again tonight?"
I keep dreaming about moving house; that makes three times this week. I don't regard this as prognostication, I refuse to, for two perfectly good reasons: (a) I don't believe in prognostication and (b) I don't want to move. Unless I win the lottery, and can afford a bigger house with a kitchen a man can move in.
Actually I did win the lottery this week, but ten quid won't get me very far.
What it is, of course, is this racking financial anxiety; I might in the end have to sell the house, if I can't recover to a position where I'm actually earning a living again. In the meantime, I dream of it. This time, I moved to a flat on an estate on the edge of town - I had a lawn! with grass! I needed a mower! - and the little old lady next door kept complaining on my doorstep about other people's party noise, which gave the cats the chance to escape outside. Cats plural, I had my old girls back again. Which did at least give me the chance to cuddle Misha one more time, so it ain't all bad. (You never could cuddle Sophie; she just wriggled straight up onto your shoulders and annexed those. All shoulders were the same shoulders, and all were hers to occupy - tho' she always came back to mine in the end. Barry can be cuddled a bit, but he gets bored and wants to play. He is emphatically not a shoulder-cat, which is probably just as well; that boy is heavy...)
I keep dreaming about moving house; that makes three times this week. I don't regard this as prognostication, I refuse to, for two perfectly good reasons: (a) I don't believe in prognostication and (b) I don't want to move. Unless I win the lottery, and can afford a bigger house with a kitchen a man can move in.
Actually I did win the lottery this week, but ten quid won't get me very far.
What it is, of course, is this racking financial anxiety; I might in the end have to sell the house, if I can't recover to a position where I'm actually earning a living again. In the meantime, I dream of it. This time, I moved to a flat on an estate on the edge of town - I had a lawn! with grass! I needed a mower! - and the little old lady next door kept complaining on my doorstep about other people's party noise, which gave the cats the chance to escape outside. Cats plural, I had my old girls back again. Which did at least give me the chance to cuddle Misha one more time, so it ain't all bad. (You never could cuddle Sophie; she just wriggled straight up onto your shoulders and annexed those. All shoulders were the same shoulders, and all were hers to occupy - tho' she always came back to mine in the end. Barry can be cuddled a bit, but he gets bored and wants to play. He is emphatically not a shoulder-cat, which is probably just as well; that boy is heavy...)