Now somebody has to pay for the one that got away

I honestly do not understand how this works: how you - well, I - can go to bed anxious but okay, sleep okay, and yet wake up in a total mess, bitter and frantic. Back like I was last month, utterly despairing, beyond help or hope.

However. Here it is, and we will deal with it. It's not like I have nothing to do. I have everything to do. None of it is going to help much, but I have to do it regardless and it's generally good to be busy. So. I am going to outrage myself by telling myself to pull myself together. And then I shall draw up a schedule of stuff and be all organised about it. You'd be proud of me, if you weren't so bored and irritated.