Telephone etiquette

[desperance]

I am famously antagonistic towards telephones. We never had one till I was a teenager, and I've never been comfortable with them; I don't have a mobile, and rarely use the landline. I may be over-reacting, therefore, or misinterpreting a commonplace. But. I hate it, hate hate hate, when the phone rings and I answer it with my usual "Yes, hullo?" and the voice at the other end says "Who's that speaking, please?" or near equivalent. It seems to me extraordinarily rude: they called me, which means they should know who I am; they're the stranger in this relationship. Also, this is my home which they have chosen to invade, so ditto ditto. Either way, it's theirs to declare their own identity, rather than demanding mine. And I usually say so, quite sharpish.

It's almost always a wrong number, of course, which doesn't improve my temper. Of course it is; people who are intentionally phoning me tend to know who's going to be answering my phone, ie me. I don't mind them checking, "Hullo, is that Chaz?" or near equivalent; it's the blank stranger-to-stranger demands that really rile me. It's an extension of the inherent intrusion of making a phone-call in the first place, the assumption that it's okay to interrupt me unannounced; to heap Ossa upon Pelion by backing that with the assumption that it's okay to interrogate me before ever they identify themselves just enrages me.

Or am I being precious and mimsy...?

Comments

[szandara.livejournal.com]

Not precious and mimsy at all, or if you are, so am I. This is bad manners, and I'm working on teaching my kids not to do it. The caller is obligated to identify themselves, since they're the one who initiated contact.

As I get older and more impatient, I grow to prefer email more and more because it's asynchronous--I can answer when and how I choose. The insistent "drop everything and answer me RIGHT NOW" demand of a ringing phone is inherently intrusive.

[desperance.livejournal.com]

'Zackly. It's why I hate mobiles particularly, and particularly-particularly my friends' mobiles. We are out together, they have presumably chosen to be out with me - and their phone rings and suddenly they have to be ignoring me and talking to this other person, just because. Snarl...

[pennski.livejournal.com]

We've just watched the episode of QI where Stephen Fry points out that a ringing phone is the equivalent of banging on someone's desk going "speak to me, speak to me now!" (and won't shut up until you do).

At work, if someone has come to talk through something with me, I put my phone on voicemail so as not to be interrupted, and if we're at their desk, I ask them to do the same.

At home, I tend to answer the phone with "Hello" and then if they don't identify themselves ask "Who's calling?" (which I think makes it quite clear that the onus is on the caller to identify themselves first).

There was a fluffy book I read once where the heroine was very annoyed with her father-in-law who persistently asked who was speaking when he rang her. It's the only thing from that book that has stuck in my mind.

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

Unless there's a death watch in the family, or something equally compelling (I had friends in the military who were on short notice for deployment for several years), I believe people need to let the voice mail/missed call logging feature mobile phones all seem to have do its job when in company.

Just because it rings, you don't have to answer it, and when it's one of Those Times, people generally know it already and can make allowances.

[brisingamen.livejournal.com]

I have a friend ... it's actually a slight mystery to me at times why he remains my friend, give what I am about to say ... who is congenitally incapable of Not answering a ringing phone, which can make life amazingly annoying in social situations, or for that matter, whenever we're working together. Why he doesn't just mute his phone as I do, or let it go to voice mail, I'll never know. He, on the other hand, thinks it's really weird that I don't immediately answer my phone when and wherever I happen to be.

[szandara.livejournal.com]

I have a mobile, but I don't give out the number and I rarely turn it on. It's more of a security blanket, in case I get stuck somewhere.

Online communication also gets around that whole 'living in different timezones' problem, which I like (I get to hear about what you're making for dinner while I'm having lunch!)

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

How about people checking their text messages and then texting back? That REALLY annoys me. Its different if it's someone who's coming along later who's got into travel difficulties or something, but otherwise GRRRR.