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In other news: being actually compelled at last to do something about the bathroom and the kitchen beneath - but being utterly unable to do what they both need, and replace their fixtures & fittings utterly - sort of frees me up to think creatively.

As witness:

If the bathroom joists have to be replaced, then by definition the kitchen ceiling has to come down, being as it is attached thereto. This is no great loss, for it is stained and crumbly and really rather nasty. But it occurred to me as I carried my veggies and eggies back across the moor: what if I didn't actually replace it with the classic plasterboard? What if I didn't actually replace it at all?

Then there'd be exposed joists, and the underside of the flooring above; and I could paint the joists black and the underfloor white, and it would be like an old-fashioned beamed ceiling. And I could screw lights to the joists wherever I wanted them, and hang pots therefrom, and like that.

Is that practical, or is it insane? Am I missing something obvious...?

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