Gastroporn

[desperance]

Well, it's not really porn, just a menu; but for those of you who wondered - or indeed asked - this is what I did for dinner last night with shewhomust, durham_rambler, and special guests Anne, Dick and fjm.

For cold starters - its being always easier, I think, to have food on the table before people get there - I made a ham hock - no, let's be honest, a ham shank terrine, which is the easiest thing in the world (simmer shanks with flavourful veg until tender, a couple of hours; cool in the water; flake the meat. Mix it with lots of parsley and a little of the water; pepper; stick it in a mould with weights on and chill overnight) and chicken & walnuts in a walnut mayonnaise (which I invented, as a version of Circassian chicken for a gluten-free diet. Again easy: poach chicken as above, and shred it when cold. Make mayonnaise with walnut and groundnut oil whisked into a whole egg and a tablespoon of walnut or other vinegar, a little at a time; mix with chicken, and season).

For hot starter, to follow: mushroom and pumpkin soup. Simplicity itself. Are you picking up a theme here?

Main course: confit of partridge, with Puy lentils. My post-operative feeling about this is that once the bird gets larger than a quail - which are lovely, confit'd whole - the traditional approach is probably right, that you should only confit the legs and pan-fry the breasts. I'll do that next time. On the other hand, shewhomust was surprised how well the breasts had confit'd, so I guess it's a matter of taste.

And then there was cheese, and I decided that I could get away with not making the dessert I'd planned (a kumquat and apricot compote), because people were groaning and turning faint already, so we nibbled on fjm's housegifts of marrons glaces and florentines.

And halfway through, Anne expressed astonishment at how cool I was being; but what she hadn't noticed, see, is that apart from the dessert - which I did not make - everything but everything had been cooked beforehand, because it was that kind of food, and at most needed heating up. Given that I wanted to spend the day talking to fjm and the evening being tolerably unstressed, I thought this was a good plan; the astonishment is that I managed to carry it off. Feeding people and stress go hand in hand, ordinarily; yesterday the stress got left behind, and I am pleased with myself.

Comments

[fjm.livejournal.com]

You carried it off beautifully, and I never got around to eating last night.

[martyn44.livejournal.com]

Preparation, preparation, preparation

And what's pornographic about giving friends pleasure? Unless your hidden cameras were recording everything for your subsequent delectation...

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Alas, no visual record; without pix, to qualify as gastroporn it would have to be at that purely indulgent end of food-writing, that I don't really do: "...the prawn was so fresh, I could hear it still whispering as it slid down my throat, slick with warm oils from its bath of lemongrass, swathed in a chilli-sodden towel of Thai basil..."

Etc.

Damn. Now I want prawns for lunch.

Hey, I have prawns in the freezer!

Damn. No Thai basil.

Hey, I could go shopping...!

[mevennen.livejournal.com]

Right, I am crassly inviting myself for dinner at your house....;-)

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Oh, do that. Please. I may change the venue without warning; my house is a trainwreck, and I grow more and more anxious about having people here. Which is why I like to cook in other people's houses. Also, shewhomust and durham_rambler do good wine, good talking and beds for the night, all of which I exploit shamelessly. But you would be very welcome.

[shewhomust.livejournal.com]

Yes, please, and do let's make that our house: you'd be very welcome here, too.

[mevennen.livejournal.com]

You're always welcome down here! Although we may have to fight for the kitchen as T and I love to cook (though after reading the above, I'm not going to put up much of a struggle...)

[danjite.livejournal.com]

If we ever get to your neighborhood, I hope I get to experince such wonders as described here!

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Again, most welcome. If you don't mind my asking endless questions about Thailand. (Or of course there's always the chance that I might turn up there and make you show me...)

[papersky.livejournal.com]

What flavourful veg, and what do you do with them afterwards?

If you don't mind me asking. I've never cooked ham, but that sounds delicious, and I have a lot of people here over New Year who will want feeding.

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Well, I used an onion and a carrot, because that's what I had; leek and celery would also have been good. Basically, the kind of veg you'd use to make stock with. And throw them away afterwards, because they'll have been cooking for two or three hours and be good for nothing. It's about getting flavour into the water, and somewhat into the ham.

Also, because ham shanks tend to be saltier than a whole ham: soak them overnight, change the water, bring them to the boil in fresh water and then change it again. Bring it to the boil again, and then taste it; if it still seems salty, it's worth changing it one more time before you add the veg and start to simmer the shanks. Salt out, flavour in.

Also, if you have a lot of people over New Year, why not cook a whole ham? So long as you have a pot large enough to hold one, it's tremendously easy, and wonderfully impressive, and ideal for a houseful of guests. They can nibble at will, make their own sandwiches, etc; you can fry slabs of it for more formal meals, add shreds of it to stir-fries, etc etc. There is nothing so useful as a ham.

Instructions available on request...

[papersky.livejournal.com]

Yes please!

I'm cooking a goose on New Year's Eve, it's ordered already, but a ham to have in the house would indeed be handy.

(French people are supposed to cook goose on NYE, though very few do, and I swear I get better meat all year because the butcher approves so much of me doing the goose.)

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Always a good idea, to win your butcher's approval...

First, buy your ham: smoked or not, as you choose.

Soak it overnight, in a pot big enough to cover it with water and boil it without spillage; this is going to be very hot and heavy and awkward to handle, and you don't want scalds.

Change the water, and bring it up to a slow simmer. While it's heating, stud an orange with cloves and drop that into the water.

Simmer the ham slowly, uncovered, for twenty minutes per pound (or 45 min/kilo: can't remember how you weigh things in Montreal).

Mix up a glaze: there are many recipes, but I tend to use dark brown sugar, dry mustard powder and redcurrant jelly. Those are the three elements I think are important: sweetness, bite and fruitiness. Quantities are vague: a couple of tablespoons of sugar, ditto jelly, maybe one of mustard. Mix to a thick spreadable paste, and taste. If you can't taste all three elements, add more of what is missing.

When the ham's had its time, turn the oven up high and move the ham into a roasting tray. If you have poultry forks, you can use those to lift it straight out of the water. If not - well, you can do it with wooden spatulas, but I don't recommend it. The ham is heavy and slippery and hot, the water is hotter. Better to lug the pan to the sink and drain off the water, then just tip the ham into the roasting tray. It may be easier with two people; I've always done it alone (sob!).

Anyway: trim off the rind with a sharp knife, leaving a good layer of fat on the ham. Score the fat (in pretty diamond patterns if you want to), then spread the glaze all over.

Slide it into the oven, and give it twenty minutes. The glaze will melt and run; you may want to baste it with the molten glaze after ten minutes. It will also burn and sizzle on the tray, but don't worry about that, it'll soak off.

Let the ham cool, and enjoy...

[jo-r-lucas.livejournal.com]

i love gastroporn.

it's 530pm. it's home/dinner time. i am starving!

good work :)