Strategies of loss

[desperance]

Thanks for all the hugs'n'stuff. I like you guys.

And because I like you, I am not going to be interminable about this, I promise; but I do just need to go on about it for a little bit. Because you can mock if you like, but losing a publisher is actually not unlike losing a lover; it's a long-term relationship that you come to depend on, and then it's just gone, snap, and it leaves you reeling. In this case, it's out of the blue, completely unexpected (and on Valentine's Day, yet...!). So I've probably got all those stages of grief to go through. Sigh.

This isn't the first time I've been through this, but it is probably the worst. Partly for the lack of warning (it's a sales-based decision, and last I heard, they were reprinting the hardback before publication; I guess they must've had a great many returns. I can see why they wouldn't want to tell me, but I do kind of wish they had), and partly because I have no fallback this time.

I have Sondheim in my head, and even he's not helping. I am, I suppose, still here; but "In the Depression, was I depressed?" - Well, yes, actually. Who was it who said that to be truly happy in life, it wasn't enough to succeed; one must also see one's friends fail? I've always seen myself in that role, being the failure that my friends most need. The extraordinary thing about me, my one great claim to fame, is that I've been thirty years a failure: every single book I've published over that time, in any country and in any language, has disappointed sales-wise. It may finally be time for those chickens to come home, with roosting on their mind.

Still'n'all, we're not done yet. I have another twenty years of failing in my sights. You can help. You can rub egg in the face of Ace, by buying "Bridge of Dreams" and pre-ordering "River of the World"; you can make my friend and last surviving publisher Kelly extremely happy by ordering Shelter, which was last heard of at the printers, so should be shipping any day now.

Me, I'm going away for a few days. Geographical distance, that's the thing.

Comments

[fjm.livejournal.com]

Done. Have a good break.

[davidbarnett.livejournal.com]

Chaz, only just seen this and the previous post.

All I can offer is, chin up and I'm sure Mr J will do the business.

In the immortal words of Withnail, the f***ers will rue the day.

[gauroth.livejournal.com]

Ordered from Amazon. I'll put in requests at the local library, too. Have a good time.

[triciasullivan.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry. What an awful feeling.

This has happened to me, too, on both sides of the Atlantic, and I can relate to the 'disappointing sales-wise' track record because I've also got that. I live in perpetual fear of being dumped again.

Don't really know what to say because I know how much it hurts and empty platitudes are not much good. I think you're right to take it seriously as the blow that it is, give yourrself some time to process it, and then move on. Because you know you will.

It's so hard not to take it personally, isn't it? I had a great relationship with my US publishers but it still hurt a lot when they dropped me, and for a long time I was like, 'I'll show you fuckers,' but of course, it's not the people involved, it's the old fucking bottom line...

Take care, Chaz.

[julesjones]

Yes, I did notice what day you got dumped from a long-term relationship. :-( Must rub salt in the wounds.

[wishus.livejournal.com]

Hi - I only just saw your news. Ditto what Mr. Barnett said... Remember: No lite te bastardes carborundorum! (I think?)

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Or, in another tongue (?), Nil carborundum illegitimi...!

[devonellington.livejournal.com]

sweetie, I'm sorry. I've been ill and out of the loop for a few days.

All I can say is, that publisher is a moron.

[tavishsdoll.livejournal.com]

So sorry. That really sucks. Hope the time away helps.

[kateelliott.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I agree with what Tricia said. I've been through the same thing (thus the pen name), and it just sucks. Hang in there.

I'm headed over to amazon now.

[martyn44.livejournal.com]

You don't have a British publishing deal. Flabber meet gasted. That is so stupid that, even in these benighted days, it can only be a temporary aberration.

Enjoy the break. Nil nisi etc.

[desperance.livejournal.com]

You don't have a British publishing deal.

No, I don't - but it was the Americans who dropped me. Right now I have no publishing deals. Projects on people's desks, of course - but they're mostly in the habit of saying no to me. I am not optimistic.

[martyn44.livejournal.com]

Just in case it boosts your confidence, let me say that not only are you a very good writer, admired by your readers and your peers, you are one of a very small band whose writing says to me 'this is the benchmark towards which you have to aspire' (you and Manda Scott).

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Umph. There is, of course, a fine tradition of the English not knowing how to accept compliments gracefully; it is one to which I wholeheartedly subscribe. Thankfully - thank you! - you have given me an out, a way to duck it; so I shall simply say, with ardent honesty, isn't Manda fab? (She is also my friend, but truly, I think the Boudica books are just sensational...)

[martyn44.livejournal.com]

Manda and I were (are?) members of a group known as The Company of Eight - Fen Farm muckers. I got to read 'Hen's Teeth' while it was still a fantasy! Boudica IS a tour de force - how she merged hot and dry dreaming with cold and wet Iceni has me scratching my head. That said, I'm really looking forward to her next thriller because I think she's even better with those - just as long as she doesn't do too much research.

As I said, she (and you) set a benchmark for me and I'm privileged to know her.

[samarcand.livejournal.com]

I was planning to wait until the book launch before purchasing River of the World. Would it be better for me to pre-order it from Amazon?

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Nah, sales are sales, wherever they come from. I only post Amazon links for their universality; obviously I'd far rather sell every copy in person. And mostly, of course, to you.

[samarcand.livejournal.com]

In that case, I shall wait. And I shall encourage all my friends to buy your books as well. Not that I don't already you understand, but I shall start with the threats of violence for failing to do so. Will that help?

[angelsasha.livejournal.com]

Bridge of Dreams: Bought

River of the World and Shelter: Will pre-order next week after pay cheque.

Egg: Thoroughly rubbed in face of stupid publishers.

Enjoy your time away, I hope it helps.

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Angel heart. Thank you.