Incompetence, thy name is Chaz

So I put the laundry on, and went into town to do some work.

What you need to know at this point is that on top of the washing machine sits a square yard of kitchen counter, on top of that a v heavy chunk of chopping-board, on top and all around that jars and bottles and gadgets and devices and all the detritus of my cooking process. The kitchen counter is not actually attached to anything, it just sits there by force of gravity. When the washer goes into spin mode - well, it's a lot less vibratory than the old one. Sometimes the chopping-board et al slides around, sometimes things fall off; I usually remember to remove jugs of water, etc. I did so this morning.

I went to town, I worked. Hurrah!

I came home. Hungry, wanting m'lunch. I had fresh won ton noodles, and beansprouts, and all the makings. Hurrah!

I found half my kitchen on my kitchen floor. Not just the loose stuff, not just the chopping-board; the whole square yard had been flung off. God knows why: sheer perversity, perhaps?

Anyway, I gazed at the ruin and, y'know? Actually not so ruined. As far as I could see, nothing had actually broken. The stopper hadn't even come out of the oil jar. It all needed picking and/or sweeping up, but nothing worse.

So I stooped to conquer, or in this instance to pick up the square yard of kitchen counter.

My hands are not so good just now. I dropped it.

On, among other things, the oil jar.

Which broke.

So I cut my hand, dealing with that in an immediate sense; and while conveying the chopping-board - which was all covered with oil and broken glass - to the bin, in order to get rid of the glass in reasonable safety, I knocked the drainer off the draining-board and broke a plate. (It is a big chopping-board, and difficult to wield in a narrow kitchen...)

And then I cut my hand again.

Don't look at me like that. It could all have been worse. I guess.

Also, it offers dramatic proof of my former theory, that nothing is ever improved by clearing up...

Furthermore...

I know I have a cold, but is that any reason for my head to ache this badly?

Or:

I know this is my first day back at serious working after days of Other Stuff, but is that any reason for my head to ache this badly?

*grumble*

*ouchie*

What's German for "busted"?

I have been outed and exposed; my sooper-sekret pseudonym is sooper-sekret no more. The whole German-speaking population knows it now. Whoops.

Obviously I can't tell you any more than this, or then the whole English-speaking population would know it too, which would kinda defeat the point; I am sworn and vowed and oath-ridden, not to reveal it until after the book comes out (January 27th, since you ask).

However, if any German-speaking reader would like to volunteer to translate what else this web page says, I'll cheerfully e-mail it in confidence...