Life-lessons

I was literally on my way upstairs to record here how I had just that minute decided to stop being angsty and become mellow - if the bath wasn't working now it would work later, and like that - when there was a thunder upon the door, and that was the plumbers.

Who dived beneath the tub and wrought mightily, and committed swearing - "These things are bulletproof, they never leak! But it's pissing out!!" - and eventually may have diagnosed the problem, and may even have fixed it. I won't really believe that until tonight, when I shall have a full hot bath and see (they weren't that sure themselves, and went away saying don't put the bath-panel back for a day or two, and if it happened again they'd just cut out that whole section of pipe, and like that); but clearly, mellow is the way to go. The world all falls into place, for the mellow mind.

In yesterday's news, I spent the afternoon drinking with Vinny Chong. Yes, that is indeed Vincent Chong the most extraordinary artist: for now it can be told, not only that Vinny lives in Newcastle and lets me drink with him, but also that he will be doing the cover for Desdaemona by Ben Macallan. I am ... more pleased at this than I can conceivably say.

Mellow schmellow

Water is now running like billy-oh from the bathroom basin wastepipe. Aaargh! Why does the world hate me...?

Book View Café publishes Dolley’s Bizarre True Crime Story

Book View Café (BVC) is pleased to announce the publication of FRENCH FRIED, an unfortunately true account of English author Chris Dolley’s harrowing first eight months in France. The book has been described as ‘A Year in Provence with Miss Marple and Gerald Durrell.’

Upon surviving a difficult move to a foreign country, Dolley and wife discover their life savings and Dolley’s identity have been stolen. Adding insult to injury, the authorities have no time for his problem so with the “help” of an 80 year-old mother-in-law, Dolley tracks the criminals himself through the bureaucracies of France, Spain, Ireland, and Great Britain. FRENCH FRIED is an account of the author’s hilarious, yet frightening journey through a nightmare of international crime.

Read Chapter One of FRENCH FRIED for free: http://www.bookviewcafe.com/index.php/French-Fried-Chapter-One

Purchase the ebook:
http://www.bookviewcafe.com/index.php/French-Fried

Put not thy faith in recipes

A middle-aged man with a beard*
Said, "Yup: it is just as I feared.
Too much salt in my pickle
Has made it taste ick. I'll
rewrite the recipe. Weird..."

(Did the people who wrote this recipe not notice that it tastes vile? How dat?)


* Apparently none of my friends thinks I have a beard. I insist on it. This leads to happy confusions, because they all think I look a lot better without the beard that they don't believe I have.