In which I am a culinary genius

A genius, I tell you. Culinary. Me. *nods*

No, I am. I really am.

What did I do, you ask? What did I do?

I'll tell you what I did. No, I will. I'll tell you. Then you'll know.

I only invented the chorizo-stuffed mushroom, didn't I?

All right, I confess, I did not in fact invent chorizo. Nor the mushroom.

I didn't even invent this poor-man's way of making chorizo; the Mexicans do it all the time. (First mince your pork; then mungle it all up with a lot of relevant spicings and a glass of red wine, and stow it in the fridge to mature. Tupperware chorizo!)

But it was me, this very day as ever was, who thought to destalk a flat mushroom (you might want to chop the stalk into the chorizo; me, I just fed it to the cat), lay a thin disc of chorizo-mix over the gills and stick it in a medium oven for half an hour.

I am now eating this, where you are not. Also, fighting off unnecessary boys. It's gorgeous.