Help me, internets! [plumbing]

People, what does it mean when there is constant loud white noise in your water-pipes, but no apparent problem? It's kind of like what you hear downstairs when a cistern is refilling upstairs, that kind of noise; but it is both downstairs and upstairs, and it just goes on regardless. Whether the central heating is on or off (and I think it's the cold-water pipes anyway, not the CH).

As far as I can tell there's no leakage anywhere, all the taps are at full pressure, etc etc. Just, this noise. All day, all night the noise...

Oh, wait up

I just discovered that the outside tap in the yard is spurting water. I guess its little washer must've split, or some such; it cannot be persuaded to unspurt.

It had never occurred to me that it might be plumbed via the house (it's out in the back yard, which is where the water comes into the house; I'd assumed it had its own little branch-line), but that is now my preferred theory. I guess I should phone my plumber, but he's not going to want to come.

This is why he's not going to want to come:

Little Lost Wiki

EveryDNSbarone, apparently...

Well, that didn't work...

So I tried the potato-plugging thing, only with a celeriac as I didn't have a potato. No joy: there is too much force in the water, and/or not enough resistance in a celeriac.

Also, I have never been able to keep a hose connector on that tap. It's a very old-fashioned shape.

Probably I should use this opportunity to replace it, get one with a screw-thread or something that'll take a hose properly. Hmm. But it's really not the weather for tramping down to the DIY store, nor for imposing on friends with tools and skillz and cars and such. Maybe I'll just let it gush till the thaw comes. Or shop for a potato, but I'm unconvinced.

The drive is dead. Should I give up driving?

My external hard drive seems to have died - or maybe it's the power supply, but one way or another, it ain't working any more.

Which leaves me less anxious than it would have done a week or two back. I have a Dropbox in the clouds, I can carry my operating system and all my work-in-progress on a thumb-drive, I can handle all my e-mail on the web. Do I actually need to replace the external hard drive?

(You may now all queue up to beat me about the head and chant "Yes, Chaz, yes you do." With reasons given, please.)

Is this getting beyond a joke yet?

So I have again waited in all day for my Amazon delivery, having again been assured by the tracking that it was en route.

I'm now starting to wonder just where it's en route to, as it's clearly not coming here tonight. The depot it departed from is no more than twenty minutes' drive away, and it left there twenty hours ago:

2 Dec 2010 10:58:00 PM Gateshead TYNE & WEAR GB Problem resolved and shipment is in transit
1 Dec 2010 05:54:01 PM Gateshead TYNE AND WEAR GB Delay in delivery due to weather or natural disaster
1 Dec 2010 10:40:00 AM Gateshead TYNE AND WEAR GB Out for delivery
1 Dec 2010 01:52:00 AM Gateshead TYNE & WEAR GB Departure Scan
30 Nov 2010 11:43:00 AM Gateshead TYNE & WEAR GB Delay in delivery due to weather or natural disaster
30 Nov 2010 07:55:00 AM Gateshead TYNE & WEAR GB Arrival Scan
30 Nov 2010 07:30:00 AM Gateshead TYNE AND WEAR GB Delay in delivery due to weather or natural disaster
29 Nov 2010 10:44:11 AM Hatfield HERTS GB Departure Scan
29 Nov 2010 10:42:00 AM Hatfield HERTS GB Departure Scan
29 Nov 2010 10:41:53 AM Hatfield HERTS GB Arrival Scan
29 Nov 2010 07:30:00 AM Gateshead TYNE & WEAR GB Delay in delivery due to weather or natural disaster
28 Nov 2010 12:01:00 AM Kilmarnock AYRSHIRE GB Shipment received by carrier