Well, this is weird; how come I'm still sober?

[desperance]

It's after 6.00pm here, which puts it well past the hour at which I usually start thinking about a bottle of wine with my working. And I'm sitting here struggling to start a new section, and ordinarily alcohol would be the first thing that I reached for, and - well, no. Even writing about it doesn't make me want it. I might vaguely fancy a cup of green tea, but I'm not even sure about that.

Could I be ill, I wonder?

I did have a rotten night last night, and I've pretty much had a wasted day. The work is not going well at all, and the most I've achieved is a bit of invoicing & cheques. Discovered I was owed sixty quid, and promptly spent twice that. That sort of day. Maybe I'm just feeling bleah. But, ooh. Not quite recognising my own body right now, from the inside. How can I not want to be drinking?

Don't care. Doesn't matter. Am going to write this first bloody page, whatever. If I have to force myself to drink, I'll do it...

Comments

[rezendi.livejournal.com]

When I feel like this I often realize only later, in retrospect, that in fact I was ill.