Lose weight now. Ask me how.

[desperance]

Spend a week in bed. Take no exercise at all. Starve yourself for twelve hours or so, every other day; otherwise eat regular meals of stodgy institutional food, topped up with lots of biscuits and cakes and late-night rounds of toast. Plus whatever else your friends bring you: chocolates, fruit, like that. Olives and sausage. (I have good friends.)

I seem to be half a stone lighter. How can this be?