Mugged!

[desperance]

No, truly. I have been mugged.

By the world's most incompetent muggers.

I had been to the coast, to spend a happy evening with friends. I came home on the last metro, which stops infuriatingly on the wrong side of town, which adds ten or fifteen minutes to my walk home. (I should perhaps say that I live on totally the wrong side of town, the rough side, where the metro proper does not run; but it usually drops me on the fringes.)

I have lived over here for twenty-five years or so, and never ever felt physically threatened; it's been one of the pleasures, that I could dwell within a dodgy reputation without ever actually worrying about it.

No longer. As I walked home, I was aware of other people keeping pace, and vaguely entertained fantasies of being assaulted, as one does; but then suddenly this guy comes at me from an alley,with his hood up and a hand holding it tight across his face. He grabbed me, and I kind of assumed that he was in trouble, that his hand was masking a bloody nose or whatever; my heart sank, but I am a good citizen, I said, "What's up, what's the problem?"

He said nothing at all, but only held onto me until his friend had come up behind me (I think his friend had been following me from town, and I'm guessing that they'd been co-ordinating this on the phone, tho' I don't know); then he said, "Money. Now."

I said, "No."

Then there was tussling, and they knocked me over and hit me vaguely a couple of times; nothing hurt, either then or since. I was expecting knives, or at least a serious threat, but they just said "Money." So I said "I haven't got any fucking money, you wankers" (which is more or less true: actually I had fifteen quid or so, but they would have struggled to find it), and then they just ... went away.

How scared was I? This scared, exactly: that I walked the five minutes home, found my spare glasses, and went straight back to find my original pair, that had got knocked off in the tussling. Like that. They were pathetic.

I did have firm intentions of telling the police anyway, just on principle, to get it recorded; but, y'know, not now. Which almost certainly means not tomorrow either, which means of course not at all. Right now I want to go to bed, and tomorrow I have work to do...

Comments

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

I am impressed at your composure.

[lagilman]

oh dear. I am very very glad all you got was shook up.

I did have firm intentions of telling the police anyway, just on principle, to get it recorded; but, y'know, not now. Which almost certainly means not tomorrow either, which means of course not at all

*makes disapproving-but-understanding face*

[esmeraldus-neo.livejournal.com]

I am so glad that you were not hurt.

If you're going to get mugged...better by incompetent than desperate.

[ellarien]

I'm glad you're okay!

[cristalia.livejournal.com]

Yipe. I'm glad they were incompetent.

[farwing.livejournal.com]

May all the muggers in all the world be just as incompetent as yours were.

*hugs*

[euphoricstimuli.livejournal.com]

oh dear, poor thing. :-( at least they were cr@ppy muggers.

If you've lived in the area 25 years put it about amongst your middle aged local female friends that you don't appreciate that sort of behaviour & I'm sure whoever they are will get a good ticking off from their mum. May be just as efective as police intervention.

:-(

[wldhrsjen3.livejournal.com]

0.o Oh, my. Glad it didn't come to worse, and may I just say I'm amazed at your composure. I'd be a quivering blob of nerves, incompetent fools or no. :/

[affreca.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you were mugged, but glad you had the luck to get the incompetent ones.

[tamnonlinear.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you were not seriously hurt.

[agoodwinsmith.livejournal.com]

I hate that you were mugged, but I'm glad the universe handed you duds.

[chibicharibdys.livejournal.com]

Well... huh.

I'm glad you're all right.

[annathepiper]

YIKES. Very, very glad you're okay. But you really ought to at least make a report to the police. That they'll do anything about it I'm sure is unlikely, but you should definitely make a report.

[ogre-san.livejournal.com]

Damn. Glad you're ok and that they weren't very good muggers.

[ethereal-lad.livejournal.com]

I know that it's a pain, but calling the police might increase police presence and deter them from mugging someone else.
Glad you are OK.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Usually I gripe about the decline of competence in a specialist society and blah blah blah.

Hurrah for incompetence.

[morgaine-x.livejournal.com]

Good to hear you're OK.

I guess if you must get mugged, that's the way to do it...

[triciasullivan.livejournal.com]

What a nasty experience. So relieved you got out of it OK.

*hugs*

[athenais.livejournal.com]

yipes. happy outcome, but yipes.

[burger-eater.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you came out of this okay.

[littlebutfierce]

I'm glad you're okay. What bizarre muggers... it almost seems like they didn't have their hearts in it--lucky for you obviously!!

[mevennen.livejournal.com]

Well, God, I'm glad you're all right, but sorry it happened in the first place. I agree with the previous posters that you should tell their mums.

My ex boss was mugged in a park in Kazakhstan by a man with a gun. He menaced the mugger with a pencil, shouting 'Come on then! I'm from fucking Scotland!' And the mugger ran away. Incompetent mugging: the global phenomenon.

[slovobooks.livejournal.com]

You poor thing! We will buy you a drink to toast your courage next time we see you.

[stephanieburgis.livejournal.com]

Oh, yuck. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but thank God for their incompetence!

[pogodragon.livejournal.com]

Eep, incompetent or not I'd be having the shakes. I'm glad you're OK (and you found your glasses!)

Telling the police and their mums sound like good ideas to me.

[mantichore.livejournal.com]

Though I rejoice they were incompetent, I think this may be just because it was a first-time thing for them too. Reporting the incident to the police might increase police presence in the area and further discourage the two Stooges from practicing their art to perfection. Worth the trip. Besides, going there might get some insights you might use some day in a crime novel.

[time-freak.livejournal.com]

eep!

[cherylmmorgan.livejournal.com]

I too am impressed by your composure. I also suspect it contributed to their incompetence. See Liz's story as well. It is a bit like the advice you get regarding meeting a dangerous wild animal - whatever you do, don't run. Of course there will be exceptions, but it seems sensible.

Anyway, very relieved that you are OK.

[mizkit.livejournal.com]

I think you should go to the police today, regardless of work requirements. Possibly a visit to the police will prevent anybody else from being in the same situation, and, god forbid, being less fortunate than you were. Think of it as being more of that good citizen thing.

Also think of the mileage you can get with your editor by saying, "I know the book's a day late, but I got mugged Friday night and had to go to the police." :)

*Very* glad you're okay.

[martyn44.livejournal.com]

I know shit happens, but . . .

For (too many) years I've told myself anyone trying it on with me woluld deserve the kicking they got. Probably never was true, certainly is not now when I often have to use a stick.

Sometime I fantasise of carrying a sword stick and doing the whole Adam Adamant thing on the lot of them. Of course, we know who would get locked up. Sigh.

Pamper yourself today.

[desayunoencama.livejournal.com]

They may have been incompetant but still unsettling.
[abrazos]

[jemck.livejournal.com]

I'll add to the chorus of relief, and sympathy regardless. And would incline on the side of a police report, in hopes of a few patrol cars.

It's also possible, if you can give anything approaching a useful description, these charmers might well already be known to the police for petty stupidity - it does sound like this is their first attempt at the next step. If the community coppers do have a good idea who they are, they may well go round and knock on the door and issue a bit of a talking to, that might make the two stooges rethink this career move.

This turned out to be the case when we had a run in with vandals attacking a bus shelter opposite where we used to live.

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

What were they thinking? You're 7'6"!

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

OMG. I am relieved you're all right, but all the same...

[(Anonymous)]

Good job you didn't have the LHP with you or you may have been totally PC-less...
Get thee to the Bodger for some 'medicinal' via the cop shop. It could have been a frail pensioner without your resilience.
Best,
Slim

[anef.livejournal.com]

Thank goodness you're all right. Let's hope they never become more competent.

[gauroth.livejournal.com]

Incompetent, yes; but it's still a scary thing to happen. I'm glad you weren't hurt. Stay well and safe.

[stevegreen.livejournal.com]

I was mugged around 20 years ago, whilst waiting at a bus stop to collect Ann. One guy waved a piece of wood at me, with a nail through it (there was a row of demolished houses nearby); the other just hung back. I told them I didn't have any cash (true: I'd had a couple of quid on me, but I'd just spent it at the pub opposite) and they walked off. When Ann turned up, I was still in shock. Remained jittery for next week or so, as I remember.

[spaceoperadiva.livejournal.com]

Yikes! Very glad you're okay.

[pjthompson]

Dear gods--glad you weren't hurt.

[kythiaranos.livejournal.com]

Good grief! If you *had* to be assaulted, I'm glad they were incompetent. And I hope your back recovers quickly--back problems are no fun.

[feed-your-muse.livejournal.com]

Glad you're all right - sounds like it called for a medicinal glass of wine (or three). Hope you reported it to the police - and that they recognised the tossers - and they then went and put the wind up them.

Take care,

Merry

=^..^=

[devonellington.wordpress.com (from livejournal.com)]

I'm so sorry that happened, and so relieved you weren't seriously hurt. Love to you.

[maeve-the-red.livejournal.com]

Shit. No way would I be that cool. Glad you got away unscathed.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

Yowza. I am shocked that that happened to you, most impressed by your reaction, and grateful for the incompetence of the muggers. Hope your back is feeling better now!