Interview

I was interviewed last week for the regional morning paper, The Journal, ostensibly about a crime-story competition I'm helping to judge, but the conversation ranged more widely, as you'd expect.

The interview seems not to have gone up on the paper's website, but durham_rambler found the text somewhere on the web, so this is it:

( behind the cut, for those of you not interested in Chinese eunuchs and HIV )

Foodz

Lunch was a cold plate: corned beef and sauerkraut and pickles and tomatoes and cheese, and the best bread in town.

Alas, I made a strategic error of monumental proportions. Of course, all my corned beef are belong to them; they told me so, emphatically.

"Oh whoops," I said, "I has made an error! I has heaped it all with sauerkraut, and cats don't eat sauerkraut..."

Wherein actually lay my error. I'm not sure about Barry, but Mac? Mac eats sauerkraut. At least if it's got corned beef underneath it, he does.

I'm feeling simple, in these unexpectedly hot days: tonight's supper shall be black pudding and apple hash, with crisped pancetta and the usual perfectly-poached egg on top, and a little sizzled chilli. 'Spect the cats'll want that too. I need a more effective Strategic Error. We already know Mac likes chilli.

Why yes, I do spend much of my day thinking about food and/or cats. Why do you ask?

In which nobody understands me

I've already posted the interview that refers to me as 'charismatic'. Snortle.

The day after, I had an e-mail that called me 'cheery'. Yeah, right.

Today? Today I had a spam from one of those New Age inspirational writerly types. It says this:

"I was seeking new dimensions of thought and creativity on the web when
i came upon your vibrantly refreshing garden of personal reflection. I
enjoyed your soul woven tapestry of the self. Your pages pulsate with
vitality and inner light. I found your personal landscape to be a
breath of fresh air that is both delightful and memorable. I wish you a
journey where you celebrate the gift of creation as you promote harmony
and joy."

In a pig's ass, frankly.

A brief notice to the entrepreneurs of the world

I know you're not actually listening, so never mind; but it would be awfully nice if all those people who plan & produce entertainments could possibly bear in mind that dry ice, Haze™ and all other known forms of chemical smoke can actually be triggers for asthma, and if they would just, well, stop it, then I might come slightly less close to dying once or twice a season*. Which would, as I say, be nice.

*'Specially as I'm a stubborn idiot who tends to stay in there wheezing and getting worse, rather than leave the gig before it's over.