Gravity and grammar: a feline education

[desperance]

"Down, Mac. Down. It's a relationship with the floor. You haz it."

"Barry, you can't sit on the manuscript. You can't... Oh. Barry, you may not sit on the manuscript. You may not..."

Rinse, obviously, and repeat. At least I amuse myself, when I hear myself say these things.

Comments

[karenmiller.livejournal.com]

You're so sweet. I usually just say Shift your arse or die!!!!!

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Um. Does that have an effect, at all...? *memorises phrase*

[karenmiller.livejournal.com]

Well ... yeah. But I've been perfecting my Shift your arse or die approach since I was a kid with my first horse. Since then it's been used on stallions, ferrets, dogs, cats, cockatoos and various rugrats. Combined with the Evil Eye of Extreme Perdition, it tends to get results. Even from men trying to feel me up while I was doing my job as checkout chick in the Scotmid Co-op, Morningside, Edinburtgh. Oh, and the totally corrupt Mayor of the Local Government I worked for.

The trick is, you must harden your heart. Let not their beguiling beseeching bestir you.

Good luck!

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Ah. That heart-hardening thing again. You have no idea, no idea how soft-centred I am. Indeed, mushy all the way through, really. I am a disgrace to humankind. Which they know, the evil little fuzzbutts...

[karenmiller.livejournal.com]

Actually, after reading your blog, I think I've got a pretty good idea. *g* But, you know, it's all about the tough love ...

[gillpolack.livejournal.com]

The *beautful* evil little fuzzbutts, or the *charming* evil little fuzzbutts. They could be both, but they can't be either. Otherwise you would have no trouble at all making your voice so threatening they obeyed instantly.

I can tell Toby (my mother's cat) to get off any given chair these days. Mind you, he instantly weaves himself around my ankles and leads me to a seat on his facourite couch, where he lures me into patting him. But at least he descends from chairs on my command.

[gillpolack.livejournal.com]

'either' should be 'neither'. I think I'm due for some sleep.

[lagilman]

Will you hate me forever if I tell you that my kids actually know (and mostly listen to) "Down, child"?

Boomer also understands "no." He will stop, look at me, consider if I really really mean it, and then -- not being as dumb as he looks -- back away from whatever it was he was about to do. Pandora understands every word I say -- she just knows she's a Speshul Furry Snowflake and I don't REALLY mean it)

I think it's a variant of the Editorial Voice of Command I perfected in the Old Days, in order to get certain authors (*cough*SteveStirling*cough) to behave...

[karenmiller.livejournal.com]

Hee. Also in my arsenal I have the raised eyebrow, accompanied by the deceptively mild, I wouldn't do that.

[lagilman]

That works on dogs. Not so much, in my experience, with cats. Cats can arch an eyebrow better than any human ever spawned.

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

Ish, astonishingly, understands 'no' -- but only about entering wardrobes. Mooncat understands that it doesn't apply to her. And Horus -- well, Horus purrs because he's being talked to.
The phrase in this house is 'G'roff, cat!' accompanied with a firm, pushing motion. It usually works for as long as it takes the cat to land, turn round and jump back up.

[esmeraldus-neo.livejournal.com]

Yesterday Mal was sitting to the left of my laptop, which is where I would not have him sit.

We have gone through enough that he knows what the words "get down," mean, regardless of how many other words may be sprinkled in there as well.

But if I do anything loud or what-have-you, he will depart suddenly and knock my books on the floor...which is why I'd not have him there in the first place. Also, that is where the coffee cup goes.

So he sat there, like a regal statue of a cat. And so, in a fit pf pique, rather than saying "down, kitty," I tried to bite his ear. We both weaved, me trying to bite his ears, he evading.

I tell you, he looked extremely put out.

[shewhomust.livejournal.com]

Down, Mac. Down. It's a relationship with the floor. You haz it.

It's short for Macavity, you know.

[baka-kit.livejournal.com]

Ordering cats around?

Good luck with that!

[desperance.livejournal.com]

Thank you. We appreciate the sentiment. (Well, I appreciate it. They giggle. A lot.)

[drhoz.livejournal.com]

Mine kept sitting in the middle of the Mythos decks I was trying to sort. And pawing the Monatomic Translocation card. Evidently they're Schrodinger Cats.